My new position is an intersection of two independent bureaucratic organizations. Don’t imagine a busy, bustling urban intersection though. Instead, think of several freight trains sitting idly by a large cargo ship, with all of the engineers and dock workers either taking a union break or speaking a different language. This has given me a little extra time to enjoy the unemployed life, so I shouldn’t complain. I’m adopting a diet of mostly pork and fermented grain liquids, which I refer to as the anti-Halal or “Hey Ya’ll” diet. This will be followed by 3 months of living in a sauna, so I should be able to sweat off any extra pounds. I’m also going to try combining this with Rosetta Stone; this confluence of activities seems perfectly suited for an infomercial targeting ophthalmologists of a certain age. I’m hoping to bring this new lifestyle system to market while I’m not bound by a university intellectual property gestapo. Operators are standing by, accepting cash or Bratwurst. Until then, “As-salamu alaykum”- peace be upon you.