Top ten lists are appropriate for almost any situation. Of course, you’d have to make it a tasteful one if you are speaking at a funeral, but everyone loves a top ten.
Here are the top ten things that might mean you are in Saudi Arabia:
1. Skype is your most commonly used verb (passing bicycling, running, dancing, or any other action where others might see your ankles)
2. You can’t see this list, because internet traffic is monitored
3. Having lunch with Jesus and Mohammed doesn’t involve transfiguration (true story- at the Ritz Carlton no less, which isn’t where either of those two would’ve been having lunch)
4. Finding frozen enchiladas at the market almost brings you to tears
5. Same for peanut butter
6. You feel like 10 minutes outside and a sprinkling of black pepper would turn you into beef jerky
7. Fried chicken is an option at every meal
8. Drinking homemade wine doesn’t cause your neighbors to look down on you.
Wait, those last two sound like Arkansas. That’s for you MW.
9. You spend 87% of your time doing math in your head; converting pounds to kilograms, miles to kilometers, Riyals to dollars, Riyadh to Central Standard Time. Not Centigrade to Fahrenheit, because that’d be too depressing.
10. When people from Spain find out you are from Texas, they start speaking to you in Spanish. Maybe that happens in Arkansas too.
Vaya con dios, mis amigos.